*Warning: Spoilers*

Few films in recent years have gone through such production hell as “World War Z”. Robert Richardson began as head cinematographer but left to work on “Django Unchained” and was left uncredited, leaving Newton Thomas Sigel to pick up the pieces before Ben Seresin reshot what had to have been the majority of the film. Despite Brad Pitt’s apparent continual pressure for the contrary, the script was rewritten over and over, with each edit farther and farther from Max Brooks’ source material (thanks to Damon Lindelof and Drew Goddard, both of which should have known better). All of this, of course, does not include the numerous rumors of varying plots that were cut throughout including, but not limited to, a subplot involving an affair, tons more Russia, and Mathew Fox actually having a somewhat relevant part in this movie (granted, it was more than Elyes Gabel was given). Also, Marc Forster.

However it is easy to reprimand the obvious downfalls of a film that ‘could have been’, yet there is much to be unveiled beneath the heaps of corpses.

“World War Z”‘s strengths lies in its ability to demand attention at the start. A surprisingly engaging and intriguing credit sequence simultaneously make it obvious that this is a zombie film (cut after cut of ominous newcasts and they unexplained deaths behind them) but yet trying to do something different (montage of crowds of people spliced with insects moving in tandem while packs of wolves tear carcasses apart), separated by triangular discolorations, blurs, and semi-magnifications. It is pretty and unique, if nothing else.

From there, we are given a refreshingly minute amount of character development in regards to the protagonist and his family. A simple morning breakfast scene is all that is required to adequately engage the audience into the life & times of these characters. We do not need to know their hopes and dreams, trials and tribulations, their history or any such nonsense. The intensity begins almost immediately, allowing character development to come along for the ride throughout the story, rather than plopped all at once in front of us like some leftover church-potluck hotdish that we will never finish anyway because there is too many peas in it.

Many, many peas.

Act I is a nice li’l action package as the family struggles to escape to the safety of Gerry Lane’s (Brad Pitt) murky past as an employee of the United Nations. It is refreshing to see a family in crisis that is not solely alive because the man is the only capable one. Gerry’s wife Karen (played by Mireille Enos’ elephant ears) is just as capable and quick on her feet.

 Just look at ’em.

Unfortunately, with the start of act II, the entirety of the film rests upon shoulders of Gerry. His wife is nothing more than an atmospheric excuse for his determination as she does nothing but wistfully hold a cell phone in the empty halls of a cruiser. And there is nothing that can happen without his direct presence. He exudes an aura of life and death – despite the horrors that are (apparently) happening around the world, everything waits patiently for his arrival, and being associated with him in any way either guarantees your immediate and timely death or ensures your lasting survival. He acts as an unbelievable stimulus for all activity within the film, and despite Pitt’s best efforts, we are given little of a believable character – perhaps entirely due to the fact that he addresses any situation with the same facial expression. Here he is looking off into the zombie-filled distance:

 

Here he is in a desperate attempt to flee from danger and save his family:

 

Here we see him racing against all odds in a dangerous chase for his own life:

But wait! Look out! What could be around this corner?

Whatever it is, he’s not too concerned about it. It is as if Brad Pitt is being passive-aggressive towards the end result of this film through his acting in it. But hey, look at this bright side, at least he had two hands and didn’t look like this:

Which, in all honesty, may be the most inconsequentially essential character since that weird foreign chick in “Pulp Fiction” that Bruce Willis was banging. Seriously, wasn’t that doctor who was “our best hope” have way more character development with his one line on the plane before they said “fuck it” and killed him off in some outrageously serendipitous circumstance that had nothing to do with zombies? He shot himself in the face after he tripped and fell down because something off screen made a noise. Stand him next to this bitch, whose introduction is literally nothing more than escort-soldier-standing-next-to-protangonist, lasts the entire film because Brad Pitt knows how to count One-Mississippi, Two-Mississippi and can cut off a hand with one swing of a boot knife.

And you polarize bald ho-rah chick (who is gonna be fighting zombies with a hook, mind you) with this glorious work of god, and the best you can give her is ‘W.H.O. Doctor’? Seriously, who is this woman? Sure, IMDb will tell you what she has done, but other than the delightful little indi-horror “Isolation” what on that list does anyone give a shit about? You slap anyone in a movie with Samuel L. Jackson at the lead and paint the poster black and white, no one will care who else is in the film. And she is coming out with a film called “12 Years a Slave” where she plays a character called ‘Celeste’? I didn’t even bother looking what that film is about, there is no way it can meet my expectations.

Wait, what am I writing? Wasn’t this supposed to be a review? Fuck it. 2.5 out of 5 stars, or half a thumbs up, or something clever with zombies and brains and the word “Zeke”.

Dude. Dude…no. Seriously dude. What if…

What if zombie cats?